


Loose Marble

by crammit



Category: Guiding Light
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff and Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-03-22
Updated: 2013-03-21
Packaged: 2017-12-06 02:10:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 23,880
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/730402
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/crammit/pseuds/crammit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>With Natalia agreeing to Frank's proposal, Olivia is left to struggle with her growing feelings for Natalia. Will she be able to say something before it's too late?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Guiding Light and its characters do not belong to me. I'm only borrowing them. But I promise to put them right back where I found them.

_Natalia_ …

Your name runs around my head like a loose marble. Smooth and gently bumping up against different parts of my brain, lingering long enough to register but not long enough to get a hold of.

Bump…the dimple that holds my attention every time you smile.  
Bump…your dark eyes bright with excitement as Emma tells us about her day at school.  
Bump…the subtle brush of your hands against mine as I help you dry the dishes, both of us pointedly ignoring the blush blooming along our cheeks.  
Bump…the clean smell of your skin as you pass me on the stairs.  
Bump…remembering the all-too-fleeting feel of your lips against mine during THAT kiss.  
Bump…the way I catch you looking at me sometimes, like my eyes hold the answer to some question you're afraid to ask.  
Bump…how easy it is to imagine walking over to you and…bump, bump, bump.

Startled, I open my eyes and realize my daydreaming bumps are actually knocks. I look over and catch you peering at me around my bedroom door, a half smile on your face and a basket of folded laundry in your hands.

Pushing the door the rest of the way open, you put the basket down next to the wall and gesture towards my nightstand. For a brief moment, I'm struck with a heart pounding fear that it's my bed that has captured your attention.

You take a few more steps into the room, your dimple flashing in full force. "Emma is almost finished with her bath and wanted me to bring her the book you two were reading last night."

"Book?" I repeat the word like I've never heard it spoken before, the loose marble having knocked itself into the common sense part of my brain.

"Yessss…," you draw the word out as your eyes roam over my face. "Are you okay? You seem a little…something."

"Something?" I say this on a low laugh, all the while wondering at my sudden inability to form a full sentence. I run my fingers over my eyes and attempt to wipe the color off my cheeks. I smile at you and shake my head in apology.

"Sorry, sorry. Just have a lot on my mind, you know? With Phillip and Emma…" I trail off with a shrug of my shoulders. _Oh, and I can't stop thinking about the wedding and you and Frank and I swear if I don't kiss you again soon, I'm going to lose it._

You detour on your way to picking up the book and stop to run your hand over my shoulder in a gesture of comfort. "I know you're worried but I promise you, we won't let anything happen to her, okay?" The protectiveness in your voice has transformed your face and the intensity in your eyes is almost too much. I can see the love you have for Emma burning there and with your hand now resting on my forearm, I can see another emotion flickering.

The room suddenly feels too warm and I'm too aware that a half step forward would bring me well within your personal space and a few steps back would bring my bed behind my knees and that thought wouldn't do either one of us any good right now.

I reluctantly step away under the pretense of getting Emma's book for you and ask, "We? As in me, you and Frank?" I temper the emotion in my voice as I say his name with a smile, turning to hand you the book.

For a breathless second, our eyes meet and volumes are spoken despite neither one of us being brave enough to turn the page. "He'll be your husband soon." I walk past you to lean against my dresser and if I notice the brief flash of hurt in your eyes that I've put some distance between us, I ruthlessly ignore it.

You clutch the book to your chest and grace me with an over-bright smile, not making eye contact with me this time. "Y-yes, he will be. He's a good man, Olivia. He won't let anything happen to Emma."

"I know. And, he is a good man." I keep looking at you, willing you to see me. "He loves you and he makes you happy, right?"

You cast your glance from the dresser behind me to my eyes and exhale. "Yes." You smile and in reflex, I smile back but neither one touches our eyes.

And even though we are standing here discussing Frank, your fiancé for Pete's sake, I have to curl my hands into the dresser behind me to keep from striding over to you and running my hands through your hair. To take that soft hair and tangle it up in my fists and finally kiss you the way I've thought about all these months. To kiss you without a point to prove except for the one that says you couldn't possibly want me more than I want you.

My breathing sounds impossibly loud in the quiet of my bedroom and it occurs to me that more than a few seconds have passed without either one of us saying anything. There's something in your eyes and if I can dare to hope for even a minute…I clear my throat of the loose marble which seems to have lodged itself there and push off the dresser.

"Natalia…"

"Natalia, I'm done!" Emma calls out from down the hallway, breaking the tension in the room with an audible whoosh.

"I'll be right there, sweetie." You call out to Emma, still looking at me. You wave the book and gesture vaguely over your shoulder. "Well, I…I'm going to finish getting Emma ready for bed. Did you want to finish reading the book to her?"

Another smile brightens my face, this one genuine at the thought of our nightly ritual. "Sure. Go ahead and tuck her in and I'll join her in a few minutes..."

You turn to go when I feel myself calling out to you. "Natalia?"

"Yes?"

"Thanks for always being there for her. For us." I lift my hand to encompass the laundry and the book you still clutch to your chest.

_Dimple_. "Always."

I sink onto the edge of my bed with a sigh and wonder how I'm ever going to make it to the wedding.

* * *

8 steps. Turn. 8 steps. Turn. _Sigh_. 8 steps. Turn. 8 steps. Turn.

Two days. Two days since you accepted Frank's proposal. Two days of seeing his goofy smile everywhere I turn in this house. Two days of hearing him gush about how much he loves you and how happy he is going to make you. Two days of smiling like his happiness is my happiness. Two days of watching you to see if your happiness matches his happiness which I've tried to match with my own happiness.

If I have to take any more happiness, they are going to find me in the corner eating my own hair.

"Come on, Olivia." I chastise myself on a long exhale. He's a good guy. I tell myself over and over that he's a good guy. That he's good for you. That you deserve someone that will make you happy. Someone who will make you feel safe and loved. Someone who will take care of you the way you take care of other people. Someone like…

_Frank_.

What kind of name is Frank, anyway? Frank. If you ask me, it sounds more like a sneeze than a name. _Frank! Oh, God bless you_.

"Frank!" I hear you call out from the kitchen. I stare pointedly at your sacred statue. The one that's been watching me pace in the living room for the past half-hour. "Ask and ye shall receive, huh? Very funny."

I make my way into the kitchen, trying to time my entrance to miss Frank's greeting.

"Oh hey, Olivia! We didn't hear you come in." Frank smiles his goofy smile at me while you discretely wipe your hand against your mouth.

Clearly I need to work on my timing.

"Hey. So I hear you are joining us for dinner tonight." I end my sentence with a smile for good ol' lovable Frank but my eyes track you as you flutter around the kitchen. I wonder briefly if you are embarrassed by me seeing your kiss with Frank but dismiss the notion as quickly as it comes. You are a grown woman and you are perfectly capable of kissing anyone you'd like. Anyone. Anyone at all. _Like me, for instance_.

_Or not_. I watch as Frank leans in to kiss your cheek before sitting at our…the dining room table. I know better than to ask if you need any help and so I slide into my chair, keeping you in my line of sight.

"Where's Emma?"

"She was invited to a sleepover at her best friend Carly's house. Very big girl stuff." You answer Frank before I can and I'm helpless against the wave of love that washes over me. Love…LOVE?

"Wine?" I squeak, dashing to the cabinet before either one of you can answer. I can almost feel the look you two must have just exchanged at my outburst and I count to ten before turning around with the ever-present smile on my face.

"I just thought it might go nice with the meal." Lame, lame, lame.

Frank glances at you briefly and out of the corner of my eye, I can see you shrug your shoulders. "Sure. Sounds great."

"Great then." I give a jaunty thumbs-up and pull three wineglasses down.

I pour wine into the three glasses while you finish setting the table. Everything looks amazing, as usual.

"Everything looks amazing." Frank reaches over to kiss your hand and I have the sudden urge to keep pouring the wine over his head.

"Thanks!" You reward him with a dimpled smile and I down half my wine.

You finally take your seat and start to spread a napkin onto your lap. "Enjoy." This sweetly uttered word is directed at me as the eye contact I've been craving for the past 20 minutes finally comes my way. I down the rest of my wine without looking away from you.

I'm one glass in before the first plate is even passed.

Lucky for me, Frank is a talker and swings from topic to topic, never allowing the kitchen to fall into silence. Unlucky for me, the topics start to swing closer and closer to the upcoming nuptials. I give the appropriate responses and smile when it's expected but he only has a fraction of my attention.

I am enjoying watching you talk throughout dinner. The way your hands gesture to make some point or sweep gracefully up to push a lock of hair off your face. Your beautiful smile, which I foolishly believe, grows a little wider when you find me watching you. The way your lips form the words in your sentences. The way….the way Frank touches you when he makes a point. Or the way he looks to you first before asking me something. These thoughts intrude my study of you and I find myself trying to soothe a scowl with sips of wine.

Over the rim of my glass, I watch Frank and grow more and more agitated.

He's looking at you and touching you freely and…it's too much. I have to look away. _Jealous much?_

I watch as he rubs his thumb against the back of your hand and I realize I might actually get sick all over this lovely dinner you've made. I almost laugh at the idea but it comes out as little more than a strangled sound.

You look over and see my face. "Hey…you don't look so good. Are you going to be sick?"

You have no idea. I stand with my plate and my wineglass and shake my head, turning my full smile on you to ease the worry I see in your eyes. "I'm fine. Dinner was delicious. I just ate too fast."

"Or drank too fast," Frank whispers to you and I can hear you shush him over the clatter of my dinner plates in the sink.

I turn around to make some wise-ass remark when Frank's beeper chirps from inside his suit jacket.

"Excuse me." Checking the message, I see Frank stand with an apologetic smile already forming. "Sorry ladies, I've got to head back to headquarters."

"A hero's job is never done, is it?" I smirk at Frank but he only has eyes for you as he starts to pull you towards the door.

I can see the reluctance in your body language and I spot you looking at me over his shoulder.

"Go on. Go say good night. I'll start cleaning this up."

"You sure? You can leave it. I can get it when I get back." Frank has stopped near the door and is watching me now with that goofy smile on his face again. _His happiness is her happiness is my happiness, right? Something like that_.

"Go! Go! I can handle clearing the dinner dishes. Seen you do it enough times, haven't I?" You quirk your eyebrow at that and I grin at you, shooing you towards the door.

"Goodnight, Olivia. I had a great time at dinner."

"So did I. Have a good…night." But he's already out the door with you and I'm left with…dishes.

I pinch the bridge of my nose, take a deep breath and try to ignore the fact that you are standing outside, barely 6 feet away. Kissing Frank goodnight.

"Alright dishes, just you and me then."

A few minutes pass when I hear the door open and shut again. I'm standing at the sink putting the last plate on the pile of dirty dishes when it occurs to me that you haven't moved yet. I look over and you're ogling the empty table, an incredulous smile on your face.

"Oh, stop it!" I scold you but the smile in my voice takes the sting out of it. "I can clean. Sometimes."

"Remind me to mark this night down on the calendar. Emma's never going to believe this." You laugh and poke me in my side as you head over to hang your coat up.

"Cute."

You're still smiling as you walk up next to me, pushing your sleeves up past your elbows. "I'll wash, you dry?"

I nod and swallow against a rapidly drying throat. Skin. That's all I can think. My eyes slide along your forearms and follow your hands as you turn the water on. Maybe three glasses of wine weren't such a good idea. Oh boy. I grab the towel and promise myself I'll try and concentrate on not dropping every dish and cup that you'll be handing me.

As you let the water get warm, you bump me slightly with your hip. "You were kind of quiet at dinner."

"Was I?" I risk a sidelong glance at you but you're still fiddling with the sponge and dish liquid.

"Just…"

"A lot on your mind. I know."

"I didn't think you'd noticed."

"I noticed."

"Oh."

You stop what you're doing and look me right in my eyes. "You know you can always talk to me. I want you to be able to talk to me about…..you know. Whatever you might need to."

I blink slowly, a million thoughts racing through my head. I settle for the safest one. "I know. I…I trust you, Natalia."

You evaluate the answer in my eyes and must find something you like because you incline your head and offer a brief smile. "Good."

You start humming softly as you start to wash the dishes and we settle into a comfortable silence. I enjoy these quiet moments with you and I allow myself to finally relax for the first time that evening. I feel content and happy and…I can't concentrate. I want to, I really do. But…there. There it is. You're doing it again. Brushing your hands along mine as you pass me a cup. Running your fingertips against mine as you hand me a plate. I spare a glance at your face for any indication that you know what you're doing, that you know that you are one dinner plate away from being pushed up against the counter. Your eyes give away nothing and my brain tells my heart to ignore the heat in your cheeks.

But my heart, my treacherous heart plays telephone along my spine until all I hear is how amazing it might be to run my thumb along the edge of your jaw. To take your wet hands and press them against…

I'm ripped from my all too brief fantasy by the sound of your voice. "All done."

I feel a sharp pang of disappointment as I realize we've cleaned and dried everything and you're leaning over to turn the water off. A quick flash of skin winks at me as the back of your shirt rises up and suddenly I find myself spinning away from the sink and walking over to the other side of the table.

I start to straighten the chairs so as not to alarm you but I catch you watching me under your eyelashes as you arrange the chairs on the other side. Finally we are at the same chair and again I am struck by a desire so strong, I have to look down at my hands to make sure I haven't cracked the wood under my grip.

You're not smiling at me now, but just standing and I dimly realize that your breathing is matching mine. It would be so easy. Just lean forward, a slight shifting of our bodies…

You slide your hand over the back of the chair towards mine and the sparkle of your ring sounds as loudly in my head as any alarm. You track my eyes and I can almost hear your sigh. I pat your hand awkwardly and risk the eye contact one more time.

"Dinner was wonderful tonight."

"Thanks. Again."

More silence. The way you're looking at me…it's too much. And yet not enough and I feel like I'm going crazy. _Mommy's sick like Daddy, Emma_. Won't that go over well?

I have to get away, get some space.

"Well, I'm kind of beat so I think I'm going to turn in now." Coward.

"Goodnight, Natalia." I whisper your name like a secret.

You smile at me and turn your body as I walk past you, inhaling deeply and carrying your scent with me up towards my room.

Halfway up the stairs, I come to a decision.

You haven't really been given a choice, my heart reasons with my head. Did you think you could keep running, my head answers my heart. And it's true.

When I have ever backed down from anything? Standing there in the kitchen with you tonight…I realized something.

I'm not about to start with you.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Natalia agreeing to Frank's proposal, Olivia is left to struggle with her growing feelings for Natalia. Will she be able to say something before it's too late?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Chapter 1 for Author's Notes

I'm hovering. I can feel myself hovering on the stairs like an indecisive cat burglar. I'm pretty sure my calf is cramping. What's it been, an hour? I take a furtive glance at my watch.

4 minutes. An eternity.

All of a sudden, the kitchen light goes dark and four minutes feels like 4 seconds and I can actually feel myself hold my breath.

I see you start to walk towards the stairs, your head tilted down, your hair covering the side of your face closest to me and I can see the barest glint of the diamond ring Frank gave you. It winks at me as you swing your hand at your side.

I have a flash of me sliding over the railing and hanging on to the side while you walk past me up the stairs to your room.

Only a moment or two left before you reach the bottom of the stairs. I can actually feel my body turning towards the railing when suddenly…there you are.

You get to the bottom and stop, one hand on the railing, your eyes finding mine in the dim light with practiced accuracy.

I consider making some silly lame excuse about having forgotten something downstairs.

_Hey, Natalia. I was just heading back to the kitchen. Silly me, I forgot my sanity in the junk drawer. Excuse me for a moment, won't you?_

I realize that I would have to pass by you on the stairs and the thought of being that close to you, now…

I consider jumping over the railing and making a run for it.

Not very graceful but I think it would help. Maybe. _Sigh_.

I consider just turning to head upstairs like I haven't been standing in this one spot for 5 minutes now.

_Oh, I was just heading up. Well, good night_. **insert Road Runner sound**

That could work.

_No._

I told myself that I was going to finally do this. Well, more like I made a strong promise. But as I watch your eyes slide down and linger on my mouth, a brief flash of desire lighting your eyes, it feels more like a dare. This is it. I have to do this, right? Right.

_God help me_.

You take the first step, then the second step until you are only a few feet from me. I take a deep breath and square my shoulders and look at you and…

I see fear. Fear and desire together. The line of your body is tight with it like a lover's embrace. I falter.

There is so much to consider…Frank…Emma…your faith. Your eyes have a plea in them that I'm not willing to recognize and even though this subtle dance that we've been doing has finally driven me crazy with this need for you, I won't add to the pain I see in your eyes tonight. I can't.

Another deep breath in a night full of them. "Hey. I…um, forgot something downstairs." I offer up, trying a nonchalant smile that feels more like a grimace stretched across my face.

You're still watching me and I pray to your God for the strength to be able to brush past you on the stairs. We always used to joke about how narrow the space was. It's not so funny now.

You glance at my mouth. Again.

That's it. Kitchen refuge, here the coward comes.

Before I can start to move, you surprise me by starting up the stairs. One more look and then your eyes are forward. "Goodnight, Olivia."

I'm too stunned to move and barely register that you are about to pass me. A small part of my brain sighs in relief at the false fact that it is you running from me when suddenly…I realize…

_Did I just do that?_

My arm shot out to grab the railing, stopping you one step below me. What am I doing?

You're still not looking at me, which is okay because I'm not sure I want you to see the shock in my eyes as I realize that my left foot has now dropped down to the step you are on. I've very effectively trapped you between my body and the railing and if my outer Olivia is experiencing shock, my inner Olivia is trembling in relief.

No more stalemate. No more looks and denials. Here, on the stairs of our home, I'm finally going to just say it. Because I can't take this anymore. Especially not now.

You're so close, finally.

I brush against your shoulder to turn you towards me. I need to see your face when I do this. In our friendship, this is the one thing that I haven't been honest with you about. And I need you to see the truth in my words now.

I feel your legs against mine as you angle into me and I have to fight to keep my fingers from pressing into your shoulder in response.

There's so much to say and I can feel my heart start to race in my chest, the pounding in my ears drowning out most of it. I look you in the eyes, lick my lips and…

"Don't."

Your softly spoken word slams into me. My body, which only seconds ago had been straining towards you, is jarred back by the force of that one little word.

I drop my arm, unable to look away from the intensity in your eyes.

The hurt starts to slide like sweat down my back, tingling along my body.

"I…Olivia…" Your voice is husky as it trips over my name, "I can't do this. I'm engaged."

I realize at that moment that while we've both crossed a line without having said a word, a new one was scratched out in its place. One much deeper and wider than before.

"I know." I lean completely away from you now.

"It's not right."

"I know." I step down to stand in front of you.

"I can't do this to him."

"I know." I finally break eye contact, my eyes forced to drop once again to your engagement ring. _Frank._

"I'm sorry." A brief touch of your fingertips against my cheek and you are stumbling up the stairs, the closing of your door echoing in my chest.

I peer at the railing. I should have made a run for it.

I can feel the familiar ache start to weave its way into my chest. I brush the back of my fingers against my cheek where you touched me and release a sigh into the quiet living room.

I head back up the stairs, pausing only for one brief, weak moment outside your door before making my way to my room. I don't even realize I'm crying until a tear hits my hand as I open my door.

_Stupid. Stupid_. What did you think would happen, Olivia? I catch my own eyes in the mirror above my dresser. Foolish to think that…just because…I mean…forget it.

_She's right_. I walk closer to the mirror, carrying on this ridiculous conversation with myself. Natalia Rivera choosing you over a stable, solid life with Frank. My heart clutches at the truth of this statement even while the hope in my eyes struggles against it.

"Idiot." I whisper the accusation at my reflection.

I'm suddenly so tired. I trudge over to my bed, stopping briefly to remove my shoes before falling into the welcoming softness of my down comforter. I curl on my side, facing the door.

It puts me facing your room and my heart grabs tightly to this pitiful comfort.

After a few agonizing moments, I feel my eyes start to flutter closed when I hear your door open.

I don't move. I can't breathe. I strain to hear your footsteps, hopeful and fearful that they will sound close to my door.

But they don't. I hear the telltale squeak of the third step and realize you're heading back downstairs. I try to convince myself that you're just going for a glass of water. Something. But a minute more and my fantasy shatters.

I hear your car start and the crunch of gravel as you pull away.

I roll over onto my back and let the tears fall freely now.

It seems I've succeeded in driving you into Frank's arms yet again.

* * *

What a weird carnival this is. I look around and realize everything is black and white. I glance down at my body and…yup. Black and white. Weird. Okay, if I can think than I can wake up. I just need to…wait. A flash of color and….is that a clown? A vibrant, every-color-of-the-rainbow clown skipping towards me. No one else seems to notice and for some reason that makes me more curious than alarmed. He stops in front of me with a flourish and executes a very saucy bow. With a wink, he produces a one of those silly squirting flowers and holds it out towards me. I can see my hand reaching tentatively for the flower only to have it turn into a blood red rose. I pull my hand away and the clown simply steps forward, reaches towards my face with the rose and…is he caressing my face with the rose? Okay, now I have to wake up. Bozo is starting to freak me out. But in my dream, it feels good and I lean into the softness of the touch. Brushing over and over against my face. Along my check and across my lips and…

_Whoa_.

My eyes open on a sharp intake of breath. And find you sitting on the side of my bed, your silhouette barely visible in the darkness of my bedroom.

"Natalia?" Crying has made my voice hoarse and your name barely comes out on a whisper.

Your hand drifts back towards my face and settles against my shoulder. "I'm sorry, Olivia."

I'm glad for the darkness as your thumb starts to move slowly against me, the touch comforting and arousing. And terrifying.

"I'm sorry I hurt you. I don't ever want to do that." Your voice catches and I instinctively reach up to cover your hand with mine. "Your friendship means the world to me. You and Emma, you're such an important part of my life and I don't want to lose that."

My brain settles on the word 'friendship' and my heart takes a resigned sigh.

"You won't." I promise you, my eyes adjusting to the darkness, finally able to make out your features more clearly. Your eyes are intent on my face, seeking the truth in my words.

I turn my body a little bit more to face you and prop my head up on my hand. Our joined hands slide off my shoulder and now rest together on the bed in front of us. Neither one of us makes the move to break apart and I risk a tentative pass of my thumb across your fingers.

"Look, Natalia, I…," I start to speak when I realize that all I feel beneath my thumb is the smooth, warm skin of your fingers. The constant smooth, warm skin which should have had the roadblock of a wedding ring.

I look up and find your eyes watching my thumb moving along your hand. Your eyes are shiny with unshed tears and my heart breaks a little more. I try to think of something to say but your soft voice breaks the silence first.

"I went to see Frank. I needed to see him." You're still not looking at me and I suddenly feel awkward in my relaxed position on the bed. I release your hand and sit up, forcing you to turn until we are sitting side by side on my bed.

"He loves me so much and I care for him. I really do."

"I know. Natalia, listen…"

"But I wasn't being fair to him. That was hurting me. And then I'd look at you and I could see you were hurting too. Olivia…" My eyes close at the sound of my name coming from your lips.

"I tried to believe marrying Frank was the right thing to do. But, it didn't feel right. Even when you told me that I should accept his proposal, I think I was more resigned than anything. I thought if I said yes, then all those feelings that you're supposed to feel when you find the person you love most in the world, that I would feel that. For him." I still have my eyes closed but I can feel you looking at me now.

"I didn't." With an audible swallow, you continue talking in a hushed voice. "I feel that for you."

My eyes open and slide over to yours, my breath clogging in my lungs.

"Olivia, you are the most amazing woman I have ever met. Being here with you and Emma, becoming a family, I never thought any of that was even possible. I didn't even realize, I mean…when you kissed me…" You look away from me now, finding something of interest on the dark carpet.

If I could will you to continue, I would. But instead I sit here, my body braced for whatever you are going to say next.

"It changed something inside me. I couldn't look at you anymore without thinking about that kiss and it scared me. Do you understand that?"

Yes. My eyes drop to whatever it is that holds your interest on the carpet. "I'm sorry."

You talk over my apology, your hands clasped together tightly on your lap. "I prayed for guidance. I prayed for an understanding of what I was feeling for you. I prayed for an answer about what to do with these feelings. Olivia, I prayed and prayed but this was the first time in my life when it didn't make me feel better. I found no answers."

I can hear the hurt in your voice and my heart aches for you. _What have I done?_

"I thought maybe if I tried hard enough with Frank that I would find the answers I needed. But all it did was give me more questions. Why did I think about you when I was with him? Why did his kisses make me feel nice when the smallest touch from you made me think about it for days? I didn't think about where he was during the day. I only thought about when you and Emma would be home and be with me."

You look up from your study of the floor and I can feel you shift a little closer to me.

My heart is racing in my chest and there's a small part of me that wonders if it will just short circuit before you speak again. I keep waiting to hear the telltale beeping from on top of my dresser but it seems as if everything in here is still and waiting for you.

You reach up and brush the hair away from my face, running your hand over my shoulder to rest at the small of my back. "I told Frank I couldn't marry him, Olivia."

I know how much it must have hurt you to do that and suddenly, I'm filled with doubt. _Why did I have to kiss you?_ I gave in to those feelings to make a point and look where it got us. I'm overwhelmed with thoughts of you and you're struggling with your faith. And you have a good man that you're letting go of and for what? Me? I am not the most amazing woman, Natalia. You are. You're beautiful and caring and deserve the chance to be happy. Looking at your face, I'm not sure it's happiness that I'm seeing and as your friend, I won't let you do this. Even if it kills me.

I stand up and go to move away from the bed.

Your hand reaches out to grab me and I can feel the impact of your touch everywhere. "No more. No more running, Olivia."

I close my eyes as your next words almost bring me to my knees.

"Come here."


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Natalia agreeing to Frank's proposal, Olivia is left to struggle with her growing feelings for Natalia. Will she be able to say something before it's too late?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Chapter 1 for Author's Notes

_Come here_.

I really want to but I'm trying to do the right thing here and you're making it very hard for me to…

_Think_. I realize that your other hand has reached out and you're pulling me to stand in front of you, rising so there is barely room between us.

"Olivia…" You say my name like a plea and I finally stop fighting to do the right thing and say the right thing. I can smell the shampoo from your shower earlier tonight. I can feel the faint calluses on your hands in mine that speak of hard work. I can feel the warmth from your body and like a lock sliding into place, I know. You are the right thing.

I leave one hand in yours and bring the other up to run along the side of your jaw. Your eyes watch me as I lean forward and the fear I saw earlier is replaced by something else.

Something that rises out of the soft low moan you make as I bring my lips gently to yours. Just a simple pressing of our lips together and it seems as if everything I've ever wanted is right here with you.

I open my mouth a little bit, kissing your bottom lip. The one that's distracted me for longer than I care to admit. Changing the angle of the kiss a little, I bring my other hand to the back of your neck, releasing my own moan at the silky weight of your hair through my fingers.

There's no rushing here. Your lips are impossibly soft against mine and I'm content and distracted enough by that to not realize right away that your hands have found their way to my waist. Your seeking fingertips brush against the skin of my lower back and I'm pulled out of the kiss on a rush of air.

Your eyes are still closed and I watch as you wet your lips, my entire focus concentrated there. I've known desire before but when your hands start to slide up my back, raising my shirt, I realize I really never had a clue.

I bring my thumb to brush against the wetness on your bottom lip, continuing to run my fingertips down across your neck until my hands are resting near your shoulders.

"Natalia…" Your eyes open at the sound of your name and I've never seen anything more beautiful. Your face is flushed and your eyes are dark with desire and I swear I could fall on my knees and thank whatever force brought us here to this place.

I can feel the cool air from the bedroom on my back as your hands have found their way to the edge of my bra. Your pulse is racing beneath my fingertips, apparently keeping time with my heartbeat. Neither one of us move these gentle touches any further, excitement and apprehension dancing between us.

We exchange nervous laughter, both aware that neither one of us really knows what we're doing. But I can feel the soft skin of your collarbone where my thumbs rest…and I'm not sure it really matters.

"I just want to touch you." I'm barely able to get that out before you're kissing me again. And it's much, much different than before.

The gentle pressure is gone, replaced by the warm sensation of your tongue seeking entrance along my lips and on a groan, I am helpless to respond. Your mouth is so warm and as your tongue slides along mine, you slide your hands down to dip below the waistband of my pants.

I'm finally able to tangle my hands in your hair and God, it feels every bit as good as I thought it would.

I can feel my mind racing to keep up with the feel of you in my arms. You feel so soft and the solid warmth of you is making me feel almost desperate to see you. I slowly bring my hands to the top of your breasts, barely touching you and it's enough to have you pull away from our kiss.

I freeze for a moment, thinking I've done something wrong but that can't be it because your hands are pressing harder into my waist. I barely have a moment to think before your mouth is back on mine, warm and wet and you close the space between us, pressing my hands against you with a moan.

Your nipples harden against my palm and I take a tentative brush of my thumbs across them, feeling my own nipples tighten in response. I feel your hands pull away from my back and your lips slide away from mine, trailing along my cheek to place open-mouthed kisses along my neck.

_I can't breathe_. Your hands have found mine and are pressing me harder against you. A soft kiss to my collarbone and then you are pulling back to look into my eyes.

"Please…"

I almost find myself asking if you are sure, like some bad after-school special but your fingers are grazing my stomach on their way to the button of my pants and I have my answer.

As you fumble with the button, I reach down to grab the hem of your shirt and slowly pull it over your head. Dropping your shirt behind me, I finally look at you.

"You are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen."

"Olivia…" Almost shyly, you say my name and even in the darkness of the room, I can bet that you're blushing.

It would be sweet at any other moment but right now my mouth is practically watering for you and I can't think past seeing more.

I duck my head and take your mouth in a bruising kiss, splaying my hands across your back, feeling along the delicate muscles until I reach the clasp of your bra.

A bra made by someone with a foul sense of humor.

_God...what a stupid invention...it should just..._

I can feel you smile into my kiss and then your hands reach behind you to release the hooks. The sound of the fabric sliding across your skin might be the most erotic sound I've ever heard.

A few more seconds and I drop your bra to join your shirt. You've pulled back and are watching me look at you and I'm not sure who is breathing faster, you or me.

Your dark nipples stand out in relief against skin made pale by the moonlight filtering into my bedroom, shadows kissing along the contours of your skin.

"Lie down, " I clear the huskiness out of my throat, my turn to beg. "Please."

_Oh God, please_.

You back up onto my bed to rest back on your elbows, your legs dangling over the side, watching me. I rest my hands on top of your thighs for a brief second before reaching up and undoing the button on your pants. I slide the zipper down without breaking eye contact and after a few seconds of maneuvering, have your pants down among your pile of clothes.

I can't stop looking at you. The dips and planes of your stomach where the beauty of motherhood has made its mark. The soft fullness of your breasts contrasting with the hard peaks of your nipples. The flexing of muscles in your thigh as I knead the soft skin on my way to join you on my bed.

I stretch out alongside you and before I can even think, you've turned into me. Your hands are on either side of my face and your tongue wars with mine. I reach over to pull you closer to me and you groan into our kiss as our bodies touch.

Yeah, remember that part where I thought your bra coming off was the most erotic sound? I lied. Badly.

I'm still fully clothed and your skin feels hot against me. I wrap my left arm around your shoulders and use my right hand to pull you closer to me, your thigh sliding effortlessly between mine. Your hands are braced near my shoulders and I impatiently pull you down to me. You take control of the kiss, your hair falling to brush against my face. Bringing my hands to the side of your breasts, I can feel your hips press instinctively into mine in response.

_Oh. My. God._

I'm not going to make it. You feel incredible moving against me and your mouth is a fire on mine and the feel of your breasts…you're so responsive. It's driving me crazy and I realize that I need to slow this down.

I feel like I've waited forever for you and there's no way I'm going to rush this. With that in mind, I push against you, rolling you over onto your back to hover above you.

Your eyes are locked onto mine and I can see so much in them and I swear I'll get this right.

Starting with this…

* * *

"I love you."

Even as part of me winces at the cliché of saying 'I love you' to someone the first time you make love, it's washed away by the look in your eyes.

You smile and say my name like a benediction, bringing my lips to yours in a kiss so gentle I can feel myself breaking under the weight of it.

Your thumbs brush along my jaw, opening my mouth to your kiss. The heat of your body is driving me crazy and I reach one hand down to start to pull up my shirt, only to be stopped by your fingers tangling with mine.

"Let me." You whisper as you continue to kiss me, the heat of your mouth a contrast to the cool air fluttering against my skin.

I stretch my arms against the bed above your head and let you pull my shirt off, leaning down slightly to make it easier for you. I'm dimly aware of the blood rushing in my ears as I realize that my mouth is just above the swell of your breasts.

It would be so easy to…just lean down and…kiss you…right there.

Keeping my mouth open, I risk a small taste of you and wonder at the softness against my lips. I press my lips against the skin above your heart and am rewarded with your hands flexing against my shoulders.

Your skin smells like home and I'm overcome with being with you now. It's so quiet here in my room and listening to you breathe, it feels like we are the only two people in the world.

You must feel it too because your hands have wandered around my shoulders and are slowly stroking up and down my back.

Your movements have nudged one of my bra straps down my shoulders and I can feel the moment you notice. Your heartbeat jumps beneath my lips, betraying the ease with which you nudge the other one down.

I feel your hands along the edge of my bra, your fingers hesitating for only a second before undoing the clasp and pulling the bra from my body.

_Figures_.

I can see your smirk from the corner of my eye and fall in love a little more.

As your hands skim along my face to brush through my hair, I lean up slightly and with excitement pushing the air from my lungs, brush my bottom lip against your nipple.

Once…then again…and then I'm pulling your nipple into my mouth, running my tongue against you as your hands pull hard against my hair. I slide my lips across your chest, lavishing the same praise on your other nipple, my hands caressing you.

You're moaning with every pass of my tongue and your hips have begun to move again, sharply reminding me that I'm still wearing my pants. And you still have your underwear on.

I may not know exactly what to do next but I do know that I need you naked against me. _Now_.

I reach up and kiss you roughly, groaning into the kiss as your breasts press against mine. The feel of you is almost too much and still not enough.

Abruptly, I pull away from you and kneel on the edge of the bed. My hands are shaking as I slide your panties down past your thighs without preamble, pulling them off your ankles as I step back to the floor.

I didn't think it could be like this, but I can smell you and… _God_.

I'm so focused on getting my pants off my body that I don't realize at first that you've slid to the side of the bed. As I step back from my pants, your arms wrap around my waist and without hesitation, your mouth moves against my breasts. You're kissing me, alternating between soft swipes of your tongue and brief nips of your teeth and I want to touch you. I swear I do but all I can do is drop my chin to my chest and curl my fingers into my palms.

I can't even move when your hands slip between the waistband of my underwear and start to guide them down my hips, your thumbs brushing dangerously close to the inside of my thighs.

The feel of you, touching me there, is intense and distracting and it has to stop. I'm flying blind here but I know what feels good and I have thought about you too long, in too many ways, to not do what I can to bring you pleasure first.

I break away from you to kick my panties off and before you can resume your position, I'm pushing you back on the bed, our kisses all tongues and teeth and sound.

I can feel my own wetness and I wonder how you will feel until my thigh brushes against your center and I don't have to wonder anymore. You're so warm and soft and your eyes seek mine as our bodies slide together. I can't believe how soft you are. I had imagined but to feel you…

"You feel so good." I'm verbalizing without thinking as our hips make small rocking motions, calves flexing in time with each other.

I start to bring my hand across your body, my fingertips worshiping you at every pass. Shifting a little bit to my side, I rest most of my weight on my elbow. I keep looking at you as my hand gets closer to the soft juncture of your hips, driven by this unknown need to be inside you.

Your eyes have such trust and love inside them, I can't look away. And so it's looking in your eyes that I feel you for the first time, feel the wetness that greets my fingers and the softness inside you as you move your legs a little wider.

"Olivia…" My name is dragged from your lips slowly, your eyes heavy lidded and on mine. I watch your face as I tentatively begin to move against you and inside you, biting my lip at the feel of your wetness.

I didn't know it could be like this with another woman. That it could be like this with you. The sounds you make, the way you move your hips as I press deeper inside you, even the scent of you is turning me on.

I let my finger graze higher and your eyes shut as your hand moves to my forearm, holding me there as you move your hips. I'm almost glad for the darkness in the room as all my senses are focused on how you soft and firm your body feels. On the heat pumping off your skin. On the sound of my finger moving against you. On the little noises you are making against the back of your hand.

I realize I'll forever be addicted to the way you sound.

I feel your muscles start to tense and you are rocking a bit harder and faster against me. Your fingers have slipped down my forearm and now have a death grip on my wrist. I want so much to make this good for you. I love you so much.

I press my lips against your shoulder and I can feel your body getting closer. I can hear you above me, your breathing punctuated with groans.

"Please…"

_Anything_.

"Don't stop." Even as you say this, I redouble my efforts, pressing harder against the bundle of nerves sliding along my finger.

A few more seconds and you come apart in my arms, your hips bucking against me, your hands buried in my hair, your face pressed against my neck. I whisper soothing lover's words to you while I kiss your cheek.

After a few more seconds, your hand falls away from mine and I gather you close. Listening to your heartbeat thundering against me, I am again amazed at the gift of your love. I promise myself here and now that your happiness will be my happiness. Right?

I'm so lost in my thoughts that it takes me a minute to realize your hand has started to make its way to my stomach. The backs of your fingers press teasingly against my hipbone and all I can do is grip the comforter.

You place a soft, sucking kiss below my ear and I'm lost.

"My turn."


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Natalia agreeing to Frank's proposal, Olivia is left to struggle with her growing feelings for Natalia. Will she be able to say something before it's too late?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Chapter 1 for Author's Notes

"You think so?" I say, a little too breathlessly. I want you. I've wanted you so much for so long that I can't remember not wanting you.

However, I do have my reputation to uphold.

You stop your… _wow_ …very thorough exploration of the underside of my jaw and push up to rise over me. I'm captivated by the subtle play of muscles along your shoulders. So much so that I miss what you say the first time around.

"What?" I drag my eyes from the very tantalizing view of your breasts pressed against mine.

"I said…" You say this with a grin as you shift over me to press your body between my thighs. "I very much think so."

"Kind of confident. Which I can appreciate." I hold back a groan by the skin of my teeth as you start to almost imperceptibly grind your hips.

_Imperceptibly_. As if I wasn't very much aware of the fact that I am swollen and can feel the slight tickle of your hairs against me.

The twinkle in your eyes should tip me off but I can feel your nipples sliding across mine and it's distracting. You're smiling at me and I reach up to touch the dimple I love so much.

"Oh, you will."

It's my turn to smile, if only to give my mouth something to do before I devour you.

"Yeah?" _Yeah?_ Come on, Olivia. The best you could do is one word? Pitiful.

You don't answer me. At least, not verbally. You've turned your cheek and brought just the tip of my thumb into your mouth.

The feel of your tongue stroking against my thumb punctuates every press of your hips against me. Your brow furrows and the smile drops from your face but your eyes never leave mine. I can feel the groan leave your throat as I bring my other hand to caress your hip.

I drag my thumb across your mouth and pull you into a kiss, our tongues clashing together. With my hand freed from the warmth of your mouth, I grab a fistful of your hair and yank you back a little bit.

"You win." Your eyes burn into me for one intense second and then your mouth is back on mine, biting my bottom lip and tugging gently.

I feel an answering pull deep inside me and instinctively, I tilt my hips and press harder into you. You arch your back, my hands skimming along your hips and I don't think I have ever been this wet in my life.

I was about to say something to you. At least, I think I was. Whatever it would have been comes out as your name disguised as a groan.

You've slid further down my body, placing my wetness directly against the smooth skin of your stomach. But that's not what has me unable to say your name, much less remember my own. You've resumed your interest in my breasts. My nipples are hard before you ever take them in your mouth.

I can't help but watch you, holding tight to your shoulders as your tongue and lips work in concert to drive me crazy. I'm trying desperately to say something other than these inarticulate sounds I can't help but make.

But, I can't. Your tongue is tracing the tender space between my breasts and even though it's taken a few moments, you've figured out the perfect rhythm of your hips.

The one that is forcing me to slide against you, leaving evidence of my wetness along your skin. Making it easier for you to brush right against my…

"Look at me, sweetheart." I hear the plea in the low tone of your voice and force my eyes to open.

Planting my feet a little firmer on the bed, I start rocking against you in earnest. One hand with a solid grip on the comforter, the other buried in the hair at the nape of your neck.

My eyes want to close so badly, but you're murmuring to me in Spanish and your eyes won't leave mine. It's almost too much. I don't know most of what you are saying but my body understands the pleas and love behind the words.

With one last grasp of your hair, I reach down and grab another handful of comforter, trying to find purchase in the fever of your body against mine.

"I'm close." That's all I can whisper to you before I feel the tingling start deep in my lower belly, radiating all the way to the ends of my body.

I know you are watching me but any embarrassment I might feel at my vulnerability is erased in the last few seconds before I let go.

"I love you."

I feel the words against my lips. And then nothing, as my body explodes into a thousand burning pieces. I can feel my thighs shaking against you and my hands flex uncontrollably against the bed. I lick dry lips and wonder if I've gone deaf because all I can hear is my labored breathing and my heartbeat drumming a mad cadence against yours.

You've worked your hands under my shoulders and are resting your head against the crook of my neck, your breathing just as strained as mine.

I should move. I should hold you or at least touch you but nothing seems to work except for my heart and my pulse, which are currently trying to race out of my body.

I really had no idea. Well, that's not entirely true. The minute I kissed you and felt how soft your mouth was, I sort of had a clue. I remember watching you dance in the kitchen and the way your hips…the same hips that were just moving against me, sliding and pressing…

_Yeah_.

No idea. None. Who was I kidding?

"Are you done?" The smile I feel against the side of my neck entices my arms to skim along your back and hold you closer to me.

"Am I done, what?" My amused tone doesn't fool you and your smile is replaced with a kiss before you lean on your elbow to stare down at me.

_Beautiful_.

"You know what." My shy smile teases out your dimple as you continue. "The whole town could probably hear you thinking."

_God I hope not_.

I laugh a little at that and tug you closer for a soft kiss. I leave one hand to keep you close to me and bring the other to capture yours. Your fingers immediately fit against mine and I can feel my heart tumbling further into you.

"Natalia, I've never…I mean…" I begin but you cut me off with a kiss.

"I know." Another kiss, longer this time. Love seems like too small a word to contain what I'm feeling for you. I bring our joined hands to my lips and I realize we are both smiling at each other like idiots. Neither one of us speaks for a few moments, just enjoying the feel of the other close. I can feel my eyes starting to droop as you run your fingers softly through my hair.

I turn and settle you a little more comfortably against my side. A light rain has started to tap its soothing heartbeat against the roof and I can feel the events of the night starting to catch up to me. I won't be awake much longer and with your head tucked against my shoulder and the solid warmth of your body snug against my side, I can't figure out why I'm fighting it. You sigh and snuggle against me.

"What are we going to tell Emma?" You tighten your grip against me as I ask you this, your hand coming to rest above my steadying heartbeat.

"The truth."

"The truth, huh?"

"Yes." The early traces of slumber have lowered your voice but I can faintly hear the last thing you say before I drift off with you finally in my arms.

"We're a family."

* * *

I'm briefly aware of a few things at once. One, the sun is massaging my eyelids like a petulant child. Two, I'm naked. A little cold, since the covers have decided to take residence down by my feet but, a lot naked. Three, and most importantly, I'm not alone.

_I'm not alone_.

Your fingers are playing softly around the smile that has broken out across my face. In a haze, I feel them drift over my lips, across my chin, sweep down my neck, tickle my collarbone and start to slide down my chest.

_My chest. My chest with the scar. My chest with the scar in the sunlight._

I can feel my body bracing to get up but your hand has flattened out and is pressing me against the bed. Your thumb is running slowly up and down my scar and despite the gentleness in your touch, I'm afraid to open my eyes.

I didn't have to think about this last night. It was dark and I was so caught up in you but now, you can see. You can see everything and what if this ugly scar is a reminder of what you lost to have me here and I don't think I could take it if you…

_Kiss me there_. Your lips glide across my scar and end with a soft kiss at the top of my ribs. I still haven't opened my eyes yet, much less moved but my eyes open and my hands immediately cradle your face when I feel the first tears warm my skin. My thumbs brush them away and I'm struck by a moment of doubt that I'm not really worthy of the love I see in your eyes.

"No one's ever looked at me the way you do." I say this almost as an accusation, long hidden insecurities creeping into my voice.

"They don't see what I see." You press a kiss onto the palm of my hand and smile through the last of your drying tears. "They see what they want. Or what they think you are. Or were."

While you're talking, your leg has worked its way across mine and my stomach tightens at the soft feel of the inside of your thigh against me. Very busy fingers are playing along my ribs and come to rest palm first against my hipbone. Your thumb teases along the skin below my bellybutton and as you continue speaking, I am focused on nothing but you.

"A couple have been where I am now." Another brush of your thumb against me, a little lower this time.

"More than a couple." I smile a little as I say this and you acknowledge my statement with a smile of your own.

"Yes. But they are not here now, are they?" I think I'm supposed to answer you. Or maybe it's rhetorical? All I know is my breath is backed up in my lungs and all I can get out is a small gasp as your fingers are inching ever closer to my center.

"Just me." _Only you_.

"Just you." I echo your words, my hands raking through your hair to pull you in for a kiss. The feel of your tongue against mine, so soft and wet, is making it hard for me to track the movement of your hand.

A brief moment of hesitation and then I'm pulled out of the kiss, my legs instinctively opening wider for you as I feel your fingers dipping lower. Teasing and searching and then…

Oh my…

You've slipped inside me, swallowing my groan with a kiss. I thought I was ready for you last night but your tongue is stroking mine in rhythm with your fingers and I'm surprised at how quickly I'm almost there.

I break the kiss, needing to see you.

So much has happened these past few weeks. Waking up last night and seeing you sitting next me, all of it feels like a dream since then. I don't know how many times I've thought of loving you and being loved by you only to have to tuck it away again and again. Every time I put it away, it got harder and harder to bring back. I started to think that maybe it would be easier to just keep it away, that it couldn't hurt as bad if I didn't try to think about you. I was wrong. It still hurt. I didn't think anything could be as bad as denying my feelings for you.

But then you actually said yes to Frank's proposal and that was worse. How could I admit my feelings when you loved someone else and in that love, had committed yourself to them? It was tearing me apart to be the good friend that you needed and not just spill my guts to you every time I caught you looking at me with something I hoped was more than friendship. I could feel myself giving up and then last night happened. Everything I ever wanted came to me on a rainy night and to think, it took your courage and strength to finally…

"Olivia, stay with me..." You whisper to me. An entreaty spoken softly even as you change the angle of your wrist to press harder into me.

_I'm thinking way too much_.

I give in to your demand and my only thoughts are of you and what you are doing to me. Not that I think I have the words for what you are doing to me.

You are using your thigh for leverage and those very wicked hips are moving and I know I can't hold back much longer. Sweat has started to break out along my lower back and your tongue is wreaking havoc along my neck and shoulder.

Where did you learn to kiss like that?

You've reduced me to moans and pants, a mindless animal straining against the tether of release. I have never felt so incredible in my life.

You must hear something in my voice because you abandon my neck for my lips, ravishing me with kisses while your fingers work faster. Inspiration or luck, and I could care less right now, has your thumb brushing against the most sensitive part of me.

I don't know who is moaning louder, you or me. It's unbelievably sexy to hear you and know how turned on you are just by touching me and I can't take it anymore. I feel everything gathering inside me and for a timeless second, my whole being is concentrated into one tiny bundle of nerves. And then I am crying out my release against your mouth, my muscles trembling with the effort.

Your hand leaves me and runs along my thigh, pulling me close to you as you settle once again on my chest.

"Natalia…where…how did you…I can't even..." I give up trying to make sense of what you can do to my body and just hold you to me, giving your hair a tug when I feel you start to laugh.

"It's not funny." I try to be indignant but the effect is ruined by my own laughter. You tilt your head back and smile at me.

"I think it's cute."

"I have been called many things and I'm pretty sure 'cute' has never been one of them."

"Okay." You fake a sigh and continue, your smile slowly replaced by a look of pure love. "How about sexy? Smart, beautiful, caring and," A quick kiss. "Mine."

I cup your cheek and pull you to me.

"Yours." I confirm, kissing the corner of your mouth. "I love you." And despite all we've shared, I still hold my breath as I wait for your reaction.

Your eyes close briefly before capturing my gaze with your own. "I love you too, Olivia."

With those few words, I feel all the tension of the past few weeks just fall away. Holding you in my arms, I feel a peace and contentment that's eluded me for quite some time. There's a small part of me that never wants to leave this space, leave this little haven that we've created here in my bed. Yet I know better than most that reality has a way of creeping in, no matter how much you guard against it.

Besides, not everything that is waiting outside my bedroom door is all bad. The other part of our family is out there and even though I know we'll have to be careful about how we navigate that conversation, having you here with Emma and I just feels right. It always has.

I drop a kiss on the top of your head and you nuzzle a little further into me. As your body shifts, your breasts brush along the side of my ribs and I swallow convulsively. We could still have a little time, right?

I eyeball the time on the clock radio next to the bed and briefly consider hurling it across the room. But then you'd probably insist on cleaning it up which means you'd have to leave my side. I would get to see you walking away though, and that seriously cannot be discounted. I quickly discard that notion seeing as how I already have you here with me.

I just start to turn my body towards you to get you on your back when I see your eyes track to the evil clock radio. Your smile is full of amusement as you grab my hands and pin them above my head, straddling my waist in one motion.

"Not helping."

You kiss the tip of my nose in apology. "I know." Even your dimple is teasing me. "But Emma is going to be home in a couple of hours and we have a lot to do around here today."

I can feel a very not sexy pout start to form and that only makes you smile wider. "Pobrecita." You lean down and grant me one very deep, very wet kiss before pushing off to land lightly on the floor.

"I'm going to take a shower and then I'll make us some breakfast. You're just going to have to wait."

I watch you walk away and laugh at myself at the very unladylike grin that spreads over my face. _Looks like I got my wish after all_.

I hear the sound of the shower turning on and despite the very intense activity of a little while earlier, I feel myself respond to the thought of you in the shower. Naked. Wet. Warm.

I'm up and striding out of the bedroom before I know it.

"I am so not waiting…"


	5. Chapter 5

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Natalia agreeing to Frank's proposal, Olivia is left to struggle with her growing feelings for Natalia. Will she be able to say something before it's too late?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Chapter 1 for Author's Notes

Despite my bold intentions as I walk out of my bedroom, I hesitate a few inches from the bathroom door. You could need just a little bit of time to yourself. A lot has changed since last night. I'm not selfish enough to think that just what we shared might be on your mind. You broke off your engagement with Frank and even though you were playful this morning, I know it has to weigh on your heart.

Your beautiful heart.

The same heart that was pounding as I worked my mouth along the curve of your neck.

Maybe I'll just take a peek. A small peek and I'll be on my way.

I roll my eyes. I can't even lie to myself anymore.

I ease the door open slowly, a litany of excuses running through my head like a menu. Sarah Connor? I clamp a hand over my mouth to stifle my giggle. What is wrong with me?

I know what is wrong with me. I'm giddy. Giddy and in love. _With Natalia Rivera_. I drop my hand to my side as the laughter fades away into a smile.

The steam from your shower has filled most of the bathroom and I can feel its warm fingers trailing along my body, seeking to escape through the open door. I step forward quickly and leave the door open just a little bit. I'm so focused on trying to make out what you might be doing that I don't notice that other than the flickering of water against the curtain, there is no movement.

I take a tentative step forward, my hand raised to pull back the curtain.

"If I remember correctly, I'm pretty sure I told you to wait."

"Natalia!" Your hands wrap around my waist and I wonder if you realize that you almost just took back the precious gift you gave me over a year ago.

I break away from you and step closer to the counter, one hand held protectively over my heart. "What are you doing?"

"What am _I_ doing?" You're leaning back against the door, trying desperately not to laugh. "I was starting to take my shower when something told me to hide and wait."

"You were going to hide from me?" I'm trying to play the injured party here but now that I'm sure I'm not going to keel over in this very steamy bathroom, the truth of what you just said hits me.

Your hair is wet, the curls tangling together along the skin of your shoulders. And despite the moist heat of the bathroom, your nipples have hardened under my scrutiny. The water from the shower is mixing with the condensation from the steam and indiscriminate rivulets are running along your body. There, along the slope of your shoulder. And there, racing along the plane of your stomach. Helpless, my eyes follow its progress until it disappears between your legs.

_Definitely not waiting_.

Whatever playful response you were going to give is cut off as I close the distance between us. I hear your sharp intake of breath a moment before I push you back against the door, pinning your body with mine. I brace my elbows to either side of your face, my hands pressing flat against the door. I rub my lips across yours slowly, your bottom lip catching against mine.

The steam and the water have made your body slick and I take full advantage of that fact, slipping my thigh between yours with little resistance. Your hands are sweeping from my biceps to the base of my spine and it is driving me crazy.

All playfulness from before is forgotten in this overwhelming need for you. Your tongue runs along my bottom lip and draws me into a kiss. Your hands are pulling at my hips, trying to find purchase along my wet skin. I arch my back a little further and the softness of your breasts against mine is my undoing.

I break away from the kiss and push off the door, pulling away from you completely. Our panting is swallowed up in the cushion of the steam but I can hear your soft moans echoing in my head. I grab your hand and tug you towards me, angling my body to press you against the counter.

Your mouth is bruised and swollen from our kisses and your eyes never leave my face. You brace your hands behind you and my mouth goes dry. I brush the backs of my fingers against your nipples and swallow hard.

"I want you." We've been lovers for less than 24 hours and I can honestly say that I have never wanted anyone as much as I want you right now.

I keep brushing my fingers lightly against your stomach, content to just watch you as I touch you. My hands reach your hips and I distract you by leaning forward and running my tongue along the length of your neck.

Without warning, I tighten my hold on you and lift you up to sit on the edge of the counter. Your hands slip along the condensation on the marble and I'm forced to brace my body against your knees, my hands clamped to your shoulders to prevent you from pitching over the side.

_Not quite as smooth as I had imagined it would be_.

I realize that both of us have frozen, waiting to see if it's safe for you to stay up there. I look up to see your eyes as wide as saucers and I can't help but start laughing. Before I know it, I'm doubled over your lap, wheezing out an apology. I hold onto your hips and I can feel your body shaking with laughter. I lift up and meet your amused expression.

"If that was payback for before…" You start, holding me playfully at arms' length from you.

I raise my hands quickly in innocence. "It wasn't. It wasn't, I promise." I rest my hands against your thighs, moving forward to brace your knees a little wider. I smile at you and place an almost chaste kiss against your lips.

I lean my hips back a little bit and continue to place kisses along your skin. I feel your muscles twitch as my lips move along the swell of your breasts and begin to follow the line of your ribs.

"However, this?" I punctuate my question with a soft bite to the skin above your hipbone. "This is payback."

Even as I ease my way down to my knees in front of you, there is a part of me that is about to hyperventilate.

It's the steam. Too much steam. Who thought that steamy bathrooms were sexy? I should probably just get up and open the door a little bit.

I look up quickly to see if you've noticed my hesitation and I'm caught off-guard by the look in your eyes. I see love and desire and nerves. And trust. Such absolute trust. Something passes in our look, some acknowledgment of the final line I'm about to cross here.

As I watch, your hips tilt a little closer to me and hands reach down and grip the edge of the counter, your body bracing for whatever I choose to do.

Your surrender looses something inside me and without pausing, my mouth opens against you as my arms wrap around your thighs. The first taste of you destroys me and I am lost to you.

Of all the fantasies I entertained of you, not one could even come close to what it is like to bring you pleasure like this. At first, I think to try and replicate what I know feels good to me but pretty soon, your body is spilling all its secrets and I just follow your lead.

I can hear you above me, your moans a mix of my name, pleas and even soft profanities. One of your hands has found its way to tangle in my wet hair and I bring my hand up under your thigh to keep you from sliding.

The erotic intimacy of this moment has my own insides fluttering in response. I fight back my own needs and just give in to the taste and feel of you. The sounds I now know as well as my own have reached my ears and my hands tighten against your legs in anticipation.

A few more seconds pass and then you are all hips and groans. I absorb the pain as you pull at my hair and move my mouth to rest against your thigh. My eyes trail up your body and with your head still thrown back, the slender column of your throat draws my attention.

I rise up and press my lips there, pulling you close to me and smiling as you wrap your calves around the back of my legs. I can feel your heart thundering against my chest and I try to think of something to say. Some way to describe how this felt.

"Now I really need a shower." I bring my head up slowly to look at you, answering your grin with one of my own.

_What am I going to do with you, Natalia?_

I shake my head as your dimples soften your grin into a smile. You stroke the side of my face and all the love I've ever wanted is reflected back at me.

You bump me back a little bit with your other hand until you can brace your hands on my shoulders and ease down from the counter. You step away from me and pull back the curtain to the shower.

"Come on. I'll even let you wash my back."

* * *

_Thank God for our water heater._ I should write the company and thank them. I push the last button through on my jeans and pick my shirt up off the dresser. Facing myself in the mirror, I indulge in a foolish smile.

"Dear Sir or Madam, I had the most wonderful occasion to experience the durability of your water heater. I will admit, at the time, I didn't give it much thought and even took it for granted. I'd like to fix that now and offer testimony to its greatness. With much appreciation, Olivia Spencer." I finish with a flourish, lightly spraying perfume against my neck.

"Who are you talking to?" You're leaning against the doorjamb with a smile on your face. A very relaxed smile, I might add.

I finish pulling my shirt over my head and turn to face you. I should be embarrassed at having been caught talking to myself but I am too happy right now to care.

"I was thinking out loud. I think I should write to the water heater people and thank them, don't you?" I walk just close enough to be able to see the blush creeping along your skin. Amazing. After everything we have shared and I can still make you blush.

"Olivia." You admonish me like you would a naughty child.

"Natalia." Smiling, I mock your tone and close the distance between us. Sliding my arms around your waist, I pull you against me and just take a few moments to hold you. Immediately your hands hold me closer and you nuzzle your nose against the side of my neck.

"You smell so good. You always smell so good. It used to drive me crazy."

I lean back in your arms a little and arch my eyebrow at you. "Used to?"

On a laugh, you kiss me softly on the mouth, drawing out the contact until I can feel myself stirring for you again. Reluctantly, I bring my hands to the side of your face and end the kiss.

"We really need to eat." I watch as a decidedly wicked grin breaks out across your face.

_My turn to blush_. I grab at hands that have slyly made their way to the edge of my jeans and take a small step back from you.

"Out." You're smiling broadly at me now and that only increases my resolve to not turn to mush in front of you. I point towards the stairs and incline my head in some semblance of a regal nod. At least, I hope it came across that way. Though, judging by your eye roll, I don't think I was too successful.

You wink at me as you turn around to leave. "Chicken." Your stage whisper threatens to let loose the laughter I'm trying to hold back.

_Chicken?_ Couldn't be farther from the truth, of course. I just feel like a randy teenager and if we don't make it downstairs soon, Emma is going to come home to find us passed out up here from dehydration and starvation.

I hear your footsteps on the stairs and release the breath I had been holding. "Are you coming?" You call out to me from the bottom of the stairs. My short bark of laughter is followed by another laughing admonishment from you.

"Okay, okay." I follow you down the stairs, my hand sweeping across the railing. Was it only last night that we stood here? It seems a million miles away from where we are standing now. I look up to see you watching me, your thoughts apparently running parallel to mine.

"I'm sorry." You're still smiling at me but the edges of last night's pain creep into your voice. I get to the bottom where you are standing and reach out to clasp your hands.

"No, Natalia." I squeeze your fingers, hoping to ease some of the guilt I see in your eyes. "Don't apologize anymore. You did the right thing. It wasn't right for me to stop you like that and it wouldn't have been right for you to let me continue. I know that." I stop briefly to kiss your forehead, the pain of remembering still making me ache just a little bit.

Keeping your hands in mine, I bring them to rest against my heart. "What you did last night, going to Frank the way that you did, took strength. More strength than I could ever hope for."

"But I hurt him." Your eyes drop from mine, trying to shield me from the pain you feel from loving Frank and having hurt him.

"I know, sweetheart. I know. And I'm so sorry that you had to feel that. But if there is anyone to blame here, it's me." Your eyes jump to mine, an automatic denial already springing from your lips.

"Yes. Shhh, yes. Listen to me. I've had these feelings for you for a while now. I knew I was falling in love with you, Natalia. I fought it. Believe me, I fought it but everywhere I turned, there you were until one day it occurred to me that I couldn't remember what it was like to not be in love with you. I thought if I kept it to myself, if I tried to pretend I didn't love you as much as I did, I could protect you."

"Protect me? I'm not a child, Olivia."

"No, you're not. But you have innocence to you. It's one of the things that made me fall in love with you. Look at how you reacted to Emma's presentation. To my kissing you."

Placing a kiss to your fingertips, I drop your hands and run my fingers up your arms to hold your shoulders. I gather strength from you and continue.

"I know how vicious people can be. Especially in this town. I didn't want that for you. Frank is a stand-up guy and he loves you. He could give you a safe, happy life and even if it killed me, I was going to make you see that Frank was the one you should want. So I held back how I was feeling and pushed you away towards Frank. So you see, if I hadn't been such a coward, you never would have to have gone through what you went through last night."

"Do you think me so easy to manipulate?" A wisp of anger has colored your voice and stops anything I was about to say. "Olivia, I may not have understood right away what was going on between us, but I'm not as naïve as you think I am. I saw the way you would look at me. I knew how I felt when you touched me, either in affection or for no reason at all. I even think a part of me knew what it was you were doing with all your cheerleading for Frank. But I let it continue. I did that."

While you were talking, my hands had slipped from your shoulders but you grab them now and bring me closer to you. "Maybe you could have said something but so could I. Neither of us did but I was the one that accepted an engagement with another person so that is my burden to bear. Do you understand?"

"Yes but…"

"No. Olivia," Your voice implores me and I'm helpless against it. "I love you for wanting to protect me. But I'm not going to let you feel all the guilt here. What I did last night, I did for all of us. You, me, Frank, Emma, Rafe…to let the engagement continue would have just kept hurting everyone I love. I know that there are still so many things to deal with and I will. We will."

"Okay." I pull you into my embrace and close my eyes against all the emotions battering at me. The warmth of you, the realness of you, calms me and brushes everything else aside until it's only your love that I feel.

"I am sorry I hurt you last night but I have no regrets about being here with you now." Your lips tickle against my ear as your voice drops to a whisper. "I love you."

Will I ever get tired of hearing that? "Say it again."

I feel your smile a second before your lips move. "I love you, Olivia."

I tighten my grip and hold you closer, content to just feel the length of you against me. "Do you love me enough to make me breakfast?"

"Maybe."

"Maybe?"

"Do you love me enough to help?" I stiffen, for form of course, at the accusation and grab your hand, tugging you along behind me.

With a laugh in my voice, I answer you. "Oh Natalia. That's not the real question. The real question is do you love me enough to eat it?"


	6. Chapter 6

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Natalia agreeing to Frank's proposal, Olivia is left to struggle with her growing feelings for Natalia. Will she be able to say something before it's too late?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Chapter 1 for Author's Notes

"So, the shells are healthy for you, right?"

"What?"

I shield the skillet from your prying eyes. "Nothing! Nothing. I was kidding." _Maybe if I mash them up with a fork._

"Olivia, just pick them ou…..are you mashing them up with the fork?" I can tell you don't know whether to laugh or truly be offended.

"No." Silence. "I was trying to pick them out and they got stuck under the fork." More silence. "No?"

"Give me that. Why don't you go set the table?" You kiss my cheek like I've seen you do hundreds of times with Emma when you've taken over the 'big girl' stuff.

"It's just eggs. I can make scrambled eggs." _Probably_.

"Sure you can. Just let me do this for you, okay? I promised I'd make you breakfast and you can help by setting the table." You're using your brown eyes and dimples to full effect and I can feel myself reaching for the plates before I realize it.

On autopilot, I set the table and just let my mind wander. The sounds of you making breakfast blend together with the faint noises coming from the television in the living room.

How many times have I watched you prepare a meal in this kitchen and wondered at the feelings observing you would invoke? The sense of home and security was always there. With Emma with us, those emotions always dovetailed into love. But what a difference it is to be here with you this morning. To sit here as your lover and watch your body as you move around the kitchen.

I've had that body beneath me and above me. The jeans and sweater do nothing to disguise the soft curves of you and just the memory of them against me is enough to have me abandoning the napkins and walking towards you.

"Are you finished?"

"Nope." Sliding my hands over your denim covered hips, I lock my arms around your waist and sway with you in an impromptu dance. I nose my way through your hair to rub my lips across the nape of your neck.

I murmur a suggestion that has you dropping the spatula against the counter. I bring my hands to your hips to turn you around, my mouth already open to accept your kiss.

"Mmphff!" _Bacon?_

"I know it's not quite what you had in mind but…" You flash a grin, maneuvering expertly around me with two breakfast plates.

I finish chewing as I lean back against the counter, smiling despite myself. You pull out my chair and wait patiently for me to go sit down. Taking a deep breath to settle my hormones, I grab the juice from the fridge before making my way over to you. I kiss your cheek as I sit and am rewarded by an answering kiss against my temple.

"You're the one who said we needed to eat so enjoy your breakfast."

I open my mouth to argue but then it occurs to me that you're right. I feel myself wanting to pout and add just a little bit of sulk into my voice. "Since when do you listen to what I say?"

"Now I know where Emma gets it from." You laugh and cover my hand with yours. "You're cute when you pout, you know that?"

"I am?" I allow myself a hopeful smile. "How cute? I mean, cute enough to…"

"Eat." You push my hand away on a giggle and start to pour a glass of juice. "Your breakfast, Olivia. Eat your breakfast."

"Alright." I purse my lips and blow you a kiss, accepting the glass of juice you hand me. "Thank you for breakfast, Natalia." Your dimples peek out as you acknowledge my statement with a smile.

There are a few moments of silence as we start to eat and despite the joking from before, I know that there are some pretty important things we should talk about. Last night you said you told Frank that you couldn't marry him but you never gave me your reason. I'll admit I'm a little apprehensive about what you might have told him. I wonder what would be worse. If you told him the truth about your feelings for me and the fallout from that or if you gave him another reason and the truth still needed to be told. Either way, we should probably talk while we have some time to ourselves.

"Natalia, about last night…" Whatever I was going to say next is interrupted by the ringing of the phone.

_If that's Frank, I'm playing the lotto tomorrow._

You hold my gaze for a few seconds and then push away from the table. "I'll get it."

The set of your shoulders speaks to the sudden tension in the room and I put my fork down as my appetite drops away.

"Hello?" The apprehension in your voice has me halfway out of my seat but your next words ease me back down. "Hi, Emma!" The relief in your voice is palpable and the smile you give me is not quite steady.

"What? Sure, honey, she's right here. Okay, I'll ask her." You shift the phone to your other ear and walk over to prop your hip next to me at the table. "Emma said that Carly's mom has an extra ticket to the circus and would love to have Emma go along."

"But I didn't send Emma over there with any money. I couldn't ask Carly's parents to pay for everything. Maybe I could…what?" I stop as I notice you trying to hold back a laugh.

"Emma said that Carly's dad has lots of money and Carly said that they could have anything they wanted because her dad said she's a princess. Oh, and Emma is a princess too even though she lives at a farm and not a castle. Carly doesn't mind."

"How nice of Carly." You raise your eyebrows at my tone and reach out to poke my shoulder lightly. "Fine." I whisper. "Tell Emma that I said it's okay. What time will she be back?"

I watch you as you listen to my little girl on the phone. I rest my hand along the edge of your thigh and fit my fingers against yours when you drop your hand down to mine. A warm feeling settles against my chest as you complete this connection. Me to you, you to Emma. _My family_.

Your thumb starts to brush against the back of my hand as you continue to get the details from Emma. "Okay, sweetie. We'll see you then. Have a great time and be a good girl for Carly's parents. I love you too. Yes…okay…here." You hand me the phone and with a final brush of your fingers, you stand up and start to clear the table.

"Hi, Emma. So, you're going to the circus?" I wander into the living room, listening to Emma's excited details about this afternoon. "Wow, honey. A dancing elephant? With a tutu?" I catch your giggle from the kitchen and it makes me laugh. "No I don't think that's funny. I'm sure the elephant works very hard to dance like that. Well, you make sure you clap extra hard for me, okay? Have a good time, honey. I'll see you at dinner. Okay, I will. I love you…bye."

I walk back into the kitchen to put the phone back on the charger, coming to stand next to you by the table. "Emma said to tell you that you were supposed to explain to me about the dancing elephants?"

You stop stacking the dishes and face me. "Well, I don't know. It's pretty top secret."

I ease myself forward to push into your personal space and cross my arms over my chest. I smile a little as I notice your eyes dip down briefly. "I think it's okay if you told me. I have Mommy security clearance."

You adopt my posture and answer me in a very serious tone. "Since you put it that way, I guess I'm going to have to tell you. Emma said that…"

"Yes?"

You step back a little from me and suddenly I'm not sure I want to hear this.

"She was excited to see the elephants because their tutus remind her of you."

"Me? How could they possibly remind her of…Oh my god!" I exclaim, rattling the dishes as I drop my hand to the table. "She was 3!"

"What? I don't get it. Olivia?"

I hear the question in your voice but I'm too busy laughing. "I can't believe she…" I try to continue but I'm laughing too hard. After a few seconds, I get myself under control and bring my hands to my stomach.

"When Emma was three, she had a really bad ear infection. The poor thing couldn't get comfortable and she couldn't sleep, even with the medicine. One night, she was so miserable and crying so bad and it seemed like no matter what I did, she wouldn't stop crying. I was trying everything I could think of and was a few minutes away from just joining her. So, I'm looking around the room to try and find something to distract her, something to make her laugh, something. She had this enormous stuffed bear. A stuffed ballerina bear."

"You didn't?"

"You bet I did. I went over and took the tutu from the bear. Thank God for Velcro. I wrapped the tutu around my waist and started dancing around the room. There she is, screaming her head off at 2 in the morning and I'm dancing around like an idiot in a tutu. I was just about to give up when I heard the most beautiful thing. A sniffle followed by a giggle. Natalia, when I tell you that it was the most amazing sound in the world? That's exactly what it was. I must have danced around that room for two hours."

Just the thought of it has me shaking my head and laughing. You're laughing at me and looking down at my waist and I just know you're picturing me in that tutu.

"What happened after all that dancing?"

"I don't really remember. I just remember Emma finally getting quiet in her little bed and me waking up on the floor a couple of hours later, stiff. And still in that tutu. She was so young then. I can't believe she still remembers that."

"I don't know." You walk close to me and put your hands on my waist. "All you've done is tell me the story and I know I'll never forget it."

"If you think I'm dancing for you in a tutu, you're crazy."

"You're no fun." It's your turn to pout but your dimples ruin the effect. Brushing your hair back from your face, I lean and take a soft bite of your pouting bottom lip.

"I'm a lot of fun." I grab a handful of your hair and kiss you a little deeper, teasing your tongue out to play. It has the desired effect as you slant your mouth across mine, your hands brushing along my waist. I move closer to you until I feel your thighs against mine and very slowly bring my hands to slip inside your back pockets.

You're humming low in your chest as we kiss and as I start to knead my hands in time with our kisses, the sound starts to turn to moans. As intoxicating as those sounds are, I'm still aware of the fact that we are standing next to dirty breakfast dishes. While I'm sure the time will come when we might not make it past the kitchen floor before our clothes come off, with the whole day ahead of us, I want you back upstairs with me.

I bring my hand to the inside of your waistband and start to tug you out of the kitchen. The motion makes you pull away from our kiss and stop near the table.

"Wait." _You have no idea how arousing you sound when you're breathless_. "We have to put these in the sink first." Even though your protest is half-hearted, you sound so distressed by the notion of leaving them that I briefly contemplate doing what you say.

But, your hair is messy from my hands and your lips are still wet from my tongue, and I could care less about the dishes. I grab a hold of one of your hands and start to walk backwards out of the kitchen.

"Natalia, leave them. They're not going anywhere. Trust me. Come on." I cajole as I lead you out of the kitchen. "I promise, I'll clean them and put them away. Later." My voice drops as I stop walking and pull you against me.

Your mouth finds mine in a heartbeat and immediately my want for you reaches up and grabs me by the throat. My brain makes a quick decision and I turn you towards the couch.

My bed is just going to have to wait.

* * *

Just a few more steps and then I can… _whoa_.

Before I can even yelp a protest, you've hooked your leg behind mine, spun around and dropped me not so delicately against the couch. I rise up on my elbows to look at you, my eyebrows all the way to my hairline. "Um…"

"Single-Mom's Self Defense 101." You grin and fake crack your knuckles. "It's amazing what you remember."

I bend my knee and prop my leg against the back of the couch. Relaxing, I cross my hands behind my head and stretch my other leg out to push my foot gently against your leg. "Do I seem threatening to you?"

That earns me an even bigger smile and I feel my heartbeat kick into gear as your eyes travel in a lazy caress along my body. "You're definitely dangerous. I think I'm going to have to keep an eye on you." _You're adorable when you smile like that._

"Well, if you must." Closing my eyes, I throw in a long-suffering sigh for good measure and settle a little more comfortably into the couch. All my nonchalance goes right out the window as I hear the telltale rustle of clothing.

My eyes open to find you pulling your shirt over your head. Unable to look away, I watch as your hands open the button of your jeans and start to pull the zipper down. "What are you doing?"

"Keeping an eye on you." You wriggle the jeans past your hips and I have to clear my throat before I speak again.

"Naked?"

I'm fighting to keep my voice steady but everything inside me is tightening and trembling. Looking at you standing in front of me in just your bra and panties, the simple white cotton draws my attention like a beacon and I can feel my mouth actually start to water.

You haven't taken your eyes off of me and I watch them darken as you step out of your jeans. I'm sitting up before you can take your first step towards me.

"I can get dressed if you want. If it will be easier for you." There's something in your tone that has my eyes narrowing. _Control_. There's too much control in your voice. I think it's time to see just how much it will take to shatter that.

"Maybe you should." I have to look down to keep from smiling as I catch the confusion on your face. I drop my feet to either side of yours and bend forward like I was going to pick up your jeans. Instead, I slide my hands along the back of your thighs and bring you closer me.

"Later." I barely get the word out before pressing a kiss against the cotton covering your center. I feel your hands dig into my shoulders as your body bows towards me. I trail my lips very slowly across the soft skin of your lower belly, pressing open-mouthed kisses from one hipbone to the other.

"Olivia…what are you doing to me?" I can hear the strain in your voice above me and I can literally feel the desire wash through my system. I keep my hands moving against the back your legs, dropping my head against your stomach as my fingertips reach the soft crease at the edge of your underwear.

On a soft grunt, your hands leave my shoulders and bury themselves in my hair. Closing my eyes, I allow my fingers to press a little firmer against you, sliding just a little bit further under the soft cotton. Your hips arch forward helplessly and suddenly I'm very aware of your arousal. The smell of you is making my head swim.

I'm so caught up in the feel of you that I don't realize you've removed your bra until you reach down and take one of my hands to press against you. Your nipple is already hard and brushes against my palm as I cup the warm weight of you. Your back is arching and your hips are pressing closer to me and I pull away with a groan.

I drop my hands and snap the waistband of your underwear. Your dark eyes are locked onto mine and I clench my jaw as your tongue darts out to lick your bottom lip.

Everything drops away. The living room. Even the sounds of the television all fade from my consciousness. There's only you.

"Take them off. Please…" I lean back as you start to remove your panties. Still watching you, I bring my shirt over my head and this simple act of undressing in front of each other steals my breath. How is it possible to want someone like this? All my life I've wanted and yet nothing compares to this.

I watch as your eyes slide from my mouth to my chest and your lips quirk into a grin. I shrug my shoulders and your fingertips rub lightly against my skin where my bra straps should have been. I hold my breath as you brush the backs of your fingers slowly across my collarbone and I can feel myself wanting to give in to your touches. To give in to you. But I pull myself back.

I want you first, almost desperately.

On a groan, I grip the back of your knees and lean further into the couch. As you lose your balance, your hands reach out to grab the back of the couch and instinctively, your knees go to either side of my legs.

My brain has a half second to register the fact that you are naked and straddling me before my hands are fisted in your hair and I'm kissing you like my life depended on it. I can feel the warmth of your legs pressing against my jeans and I kiss you harder, answering the urgent strokes of your tongue as my hands grip your waist.

Your hips have started to make little rocking movements and I realize dimly that the constant moaning is coming from me. I am aching for you and can feel my insides pulsing with every motion you make against my body.

Breathlessly, I pull back from the kiss and rest my head against the back of the couch. I can feel the quick, helpless tremors passing along your body and all I can think is more. _I want more_.

I bring my hands to your breasts, running my thumbs slowly against their sensitive peaks. Your head is thrown back, your hair falling like a curtain against your shoulders and I can tell that you are fighting to keep your eyes open.

_That just won't do_.

Without warning, I bring my fingers between your thighs and slip effortlessly into your wetness, my groan mixing with yours. Your eyes flash and darken further and stay locked on mine, even as I start to move inside you.

When I first let myself acknowledge what was happening between us, I wondered what it might be like to be with you. Would I know what to do? What really to do? And even though we were together last night and again this morning, there is a part of me that was wondering at the ease with which we've become lovers. But now, listening to your labored breathing as I touch you, listening to the sounds of your arousal, I realize I really don't care. I'm grateful but I don't care.

All I care about right now is touching you and loving you and… _that_. That sound right there. _God_.

Your hips have started moving against my fingers, arching to bring my palm against the most sensitive part of you. I want to look away from you, to watch your body as you move but I can't. You lick your lips and murmur my name on an oath. Bringing your hands from the back of the couch to my shoulders, your fingers dig into my skin as your hips begin to move more earnestly.

I slide my hand down to hold onto your hip as I feel your movements become less controlled. I sit up and bring my lips to the side of your neck, scraping the tender skin with my teeth before settling my mouth next to your ear. While your body races for release, I whisper my love, my need for you, my desire for you. Dark and intimate lover's words designed to bring you over the edge fall from my lips as easily as the groans that greet them.

I can feel your body trembling on the verge of release and my own center tightens in response. I press my palm a little harder against you and that's all it takes before your body lets go. The sound of you rocks through my system and I am uncomfortably aware that I still have my jeans on.

I gently slide my fingers from you and rest back against the couch, holding you as your body starts to relax against me. Almost lazily, I stroke your back, running my fingertips along your spine. Your breath is still racing in soft puffs against the hair at my temple and again, I wonder at your responsiveness to me. How amazing it is be loved and wanted by someone like you.

"You're amazing." I turn my head and place a soft kiss to your jaw.

I feel you laugh a little against me and lean away from you so I can see your face. "What?" Your dimples are flashing at me and I can feel myself grinning at you without knowing what I'm smiling at. "What?"

"I'm amazing?" Your hands are playing around the top button on my jeans and I can actually feel the smile fall from my face as my mouth opens. "Maybe. Maybe I am."

_Pop_.

There goes my second button.

_Pop_.

There goes the third button and now you've slid off my lap to kneel between my legs. _I can't move_. I can't even breathe.

_Pop_.

The last button slides through the hole and your hands slowly part the waistband of my jeans. You lean a little closer to me and rest your hands against my stomach.

"Want to find out?"


	7. Chapter 7

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Natalia agreeing to Frank's proposal, Olivia is left to struggle with her growing feelings for Natalia. Will she be able to say something before it's too late?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> See Chapter 1 for Author's Notes

I'm not quite sure how you expect me to answer you. I like to think I'm a strong, smart woman. I've done many things in my life that, while not at all entirely wholesome, have definitely required some semblance of intelligence. Some fortitude.

Both of which seem to have fled hand in hand with my self-consciousness. I'm vaguely aware that I'm reclining on the couch in the living room. Topless. And, if your smile is any indication, sans jeans very shortly. I should feel a little uncomfortable. _Shouldn't I?_ It's not everyday I sit around without clothes while you sit around right with me. Naked. You are really naked and I...

"Olivia?" Your hands have a solid grip on my jeans and my underwear and I'm suddenly afraid to move. Your lips are hovering right below my bellybutton and the feel of your warm breath on my skin stops all thoughts in mid stride. "Be quiet."

"I didn't…I wasn't…"

"Talking. No, you weren't." Very slowly, you start tugging your hands down my legs, waiting patiently for me to lift my hips. "But I can see the wheels turning in that head of yours. It's actually one of the things I love about you. Watching your eyes focus as you work something out in your head."

My jeans and underwear finally clear my feet and you toss them to side without another thought. You lean back on your heels, your hands resting lightly against my knees. You continue, almost conversationally, as your thumbs wreak havoc on my senses. "However, right now? The only thing I want you to focus on is this."

Your lips graze the front of my knee and my stomach automatically clenches. Every nerve ending is running hot and cold along my body, leaving goose bumps in their wake. I can feel your breasts along the inside of my legs as you continue to kiss along the top of my thigh. And as turned on as I am by the feel of you against me, something just doesn't feel right.

Looking down my body to where you are, I realize that I don't want you on your knees in front of me. We've given each other pleasure and I know that despite the reservations brought on by your faith, nothing that has gone on between us has been anything but beautiful and loving. Even the way your hands are touching me now speaks to a certain reverence and yet I want you up here with me, where our bodies can be equal.

"Natalia." I say your name with a smile and shift on the couch, holding on to your hands to pull you to me. "Come up here with me." Without hesitation, you range your body over mine, holding your weight above me for a few torturous seconds.

"So, something like…" Your eyes close as you lower your body to mine, inch by inch.

First, your soft thighs slip between my legs and I bite my bottom lip as your center presses gently against me. Your belly is firm as it slides against mine and on a soft exhale, I release my lip before I bite down and draw blood. Finally, you ease against me the rest of the way, your breasts heavy on my own. "This?"

Opening your eyes, you rub your lips against my mouth, teasing me with the promise of a kiss. Roughly, I bring my hands to either side of your face. "Like this."

I take your mouth in a bruising kiss, the taste of you tossing all thoughts of gentleness out the window. I'm drowning in the feel of you, the length of you pressed against my body and the warm, wet feel of your tongue brushing against mine. Your lips are impossibly soft and full and as I suck on your bottom lip, I accept your surprised groan with a wild thrill of pleasure.

The ache inside me is growing, fueled by the heat pumping off your body. Tendrils of lust are sweeping across my skin, gathering tightly deep in my belly. Raking my hands down your back, I pull your hips closer to me, shamelessly grinding against you. The sound of our bodies moving against each other on the couch is quickly pushing me towards orgasm and despite trying to fight it, the huskiness in my voice betrays how close I actually am.

"Don't stop. Please, don't stop." My eyes are closed tight so all I can feel is you. I can feel your thigh pressing against my wetness. I can feel your hands above my shoulders gripping the fabric of the couch as you rock against me. I can feel you… _stopping?_ Suddenly, your hips stop their glorious friction and you arch away from me.

"This isn't quite what I had in mind with the 'don't' and the 'stop'." I whisper weakly, my breath rushing in and out of my lungs. I look up to find you grinning above me, your cheeks flushed and eyes sparkling with amusement.

"Who said I was stopping?" You lean down and scrape your teeth over my chin, marking the skin of my neck with little bites soothed by the warmth of your tongue. Placing a kiss to my shoulder, you catch my eyes before sliding further down my body. "I'm not done with you yet."

"Thank God." The genuine relief in my voice makes you laugh and earns me a flash of dimples. It's disarming really, how sweet you look when you smile like that. Who could know that behind that gorgeous smile lurked a tease?

Your hands are braced next to my sides, preventing me from squirming. Something I really, really want to do because your mouth, which only seconds before was lazily gliding across my breasts, has taken a keen interest in my nipples. With focused intensity, your bring them into your mouth, your tongue coaxing them to harden further.

Each pull of your mouth fires an answering jolt between my legs and I'm fairly certain that a few more minutes of this and my body will just let go completely. My thighs open a little wider to accommodate your body as you abandon my breasts for my stomach.

My hands have been tangled in your hair and it's only when my fingertips are barely able to feel the silky strands, that my eyes open and I truly see where you are headed. You're watching me as you place urgent kisses to the bottom of my ribs, your bottom lip sliding lower and lower towards the center of my excitement. Your hands are fluttering between my thighs and my hips and my stomach and I can see the pulse point jumping beneath your skin.

"Natalia, you don't have to do this." You look so nervous. Determined, but nervous and I don't want you to feel rushed into something you're not ready for. "You don't have to…"

"I want to." You've settled your hands at the juncture between my waist and my hips and I have to force myself not to buck into your touch. "What you did to me earlier, upstairs? It's never been like that for me before." Color has bloomed across your cheeks and beautiful seems too inadequate of a word to describe how you look to me right now. I let my hands reach down to hold yours, my fingers tightening as you continue to speak.

"I want to make you feel like that, feel that good." You bring my fingertips to your mouth, kissing each one softly. "And…" Your eyes drop from mine now and everything inside me tenses as I wait for you to finish. "Ever since this morning, I've wondered what you taste like." The last part is delivered in a rush and is barely audible over the white noise of the television and the blood rushing to my head.

Despite this, your words sound as loud as a shout in my mind and the only thing I can do is groan as my stomach drops. Tentatively, your mouth resumes its previous trail across my lower belly as your hands slip down to press my thighs a little further apart.

I'm not going to make it. Your shy, unsure kisses are more arousing than anything any of my previous, more experienced lovers have done to me. Your mouth opens and the rush of air across my wetness is almost my undoing. You haven't even touched me yet.

I look down to find you watching me and the image that presents will be forever seared into my brain. "Natalia…" I get as far as your name before all the air is gone from my lungs, carried away on a long, low moan. Your tongue has started to slowly move against me and when your own moans reach my ears, I can feel my legs already starting to tremble.

In my life, I have been taken. I have seduced and done the taking. I have had mindless sex and meaningful sex. I have made love. But as your mouth unravels all the secrets of my passion, I know that I have never had this before. This connection, this complete awareness of another person to the point of aching. Everything I am is laid bare before you and as you love me with your mouth and your hands and your sounds of excitement and encouragement, I grab onto you and willingly jump over that final sharp edge of pleasure.

I struggle to get my breathing under control and relax my body, which has become wrapped tightly around you. My insides are still pulsing, my hips rocking slightly against you. I cup your face in my hands and just look at you, running my fingertips over your eyebrows and across your lips.

I want to speak but the look in your eyes quiets me. Wonder and pleasure and love glisten in your dark eyes. Your hands hold tightly to my wrists as you lean down to share a kiss with me. The taste of your mouth is flavored with my most intimate taste and the kiss goes from gentle to scorching in seconds. My hands start to take an already familiar path down your sides when we both freeze.

"Was that…" You start to speak but more loud knocks interrupt you and we both scramble to sit up, only to be brought up short by the voice on the other side of the door.

"Natalia? Are you in there? It's Frank. Open up, please?"

* * *

There is a tiny part of me that really wants to laugh. Belly-shaking, tear-inducing, cracking- up laughter. The only thing preventing me from doing that is the look of abject fear on your face.

"Natalia? I see your car outside. I know you're in there. Please open the door, sweetheart. I just want to talk to you." Frank continues his pleading from behind the shut door and I have a brief image of the Big Bad Wolf and the Three Little Pigs. Well, two little pigs. Two little naked pigs.

_Okay. Not helping with the not laughing_. I bite the inside of my cheek and turn to you with what I hope is some semblance of a respectable expression.

All amusement fades as I watch you struggle with your jeans. I can see your hands shaking from here and I push off the couch and go to you, oblivious to my naked state. You're fumbling with your sweater and I reach out to still your hands, my alarm growing at the icy feel of your fingers.

"Natalia, it's okay. Easy. Let me help you." I soften my voice to counter the panic jumping out at me. You spare me one quick glance before crouching down away from me to grab my sweater from the floor. Thrusting it into my hands, you yank your own sweater over your head, scooping my jeans up before I've even pulled my hair out of my sweater. You hold them out in my general direction as your eyes travel around the room.

While I pull my jeans on, I try to read the emotions playing across your face. I can see you are nervous that Frank has shown up here. I'd like to hope that is because of our very intimate activities a few minutes ago but there is a nagging part of me that sees guilt with the nerves. Last night, you admitted that you told Frank you couldn't marry him.

As I watch you walk towards the kitchen, it occurs to me that you never told me the reason you gave him for calling off the engagement. "I need something to drink. Can you get the door, please?" You don't wait for an answer and I'm left standing alone in the living room.

The serenity of this morning is slowly seeping away with each persistent knock at the door. I sigh and rub my fingers briskly over my face. I catch the scent of you on my fingers and slide a brief glance at the couch. Accepting the small tug of pain in my chest, I call out loudly to Frank. "Hold on a minute. I'm coming."

Unlocking the door, I'm forced to stumble back a few paces as Frank bursts through. Instinctively, I brace my hands against his chest and his searching eyes wheel back to mine. I put just enough force to keep him from bowling me over and it occurs to me that I can feel his heart racing in his chest. I fix a small smile on my face, drop my hands and take a step back.

"Hey, hey. What's going on?" I can feel your statue staring holes in my back as I fake ignorance to Frank's reason for being there. _Lady, if this is the worst thing you've seen this morning…_

"Olivia..." Frank's hands wrap around my upper arms and the strength of his grip startles me. "Is Natalia here? Her car is out front and well, you're still here so she can't be at work. Is she upstairs?"

Before I can even answer one of those questions, Frank's gaze tracks up the stairs. "Natalia?!"

"Stop yelling. We were just finishing breakfast. She's in the…"

"Frank." I hear your voice call out from behind me and immediately Frank drops his hands from my arms. He is just standing there watching you with an unreadable expression on his face. The tension in the room increases with each passing second and I wander over to the other side of the couch. You've mimicked my movements and end up a few feet in front of Frank, your body half turned to face both of us.

Even though it feels petty and foolish, I let a small amount of hurt into my eyes at the position you've taken closest to him. This unexpected insecurity is wrapping around me like a muted fog and I can feel myself being weighed down by it. The rational part of me is struggling against this feeling but it feels like a losing effort. Even knowing that you love me, knowing that you have spent the better part of the past 15 hours sharing that love, doesn't stop the flicker of fear from licking at my vulnerability.

Old defense mechanisms rumble awake and let the anger through. I see your face the minute you recognize the look in my eyes and there's still enough left inside me to have me dropping my gaze from yours and focusing on the couch.

_Great. Fucking perfect._ I can see your bra and both of our underwear on the floor near the couch and the petulant child in me wants to hold them up as evidence of our love. Frank would understand evidence, right?

_Sigh._ Childish impulses would only hurt you too so as discreetly as I can, I lean over by the couch and stuff them under the cushions. I cover my action by arranging the pillows on the couch, fighting hard against the urge throw them at Frank and just scoop you up and dash up the stairs.

Taking a deep breath, I put that child to bed and let the adult Olivia stake her claim. You're both looking at me expectantly and I take the hint.

"Natalia." At the pleading sound of your name, you turn a little more in Frank's direction, holding the glass of orange juice in front of you like a shield.

"I guess you guys need to talk." _Ding, ding, ding. Understatement of the century! What do we have for her, Johnny?_ Frank's eyes never leave you but you look back towards me, one side of your mouth trying valiantly for a smile.

"I'll just go finish taking care of the dishes." I keep looking at you as I turn to go into the kitchen and while your eyes meet and hold mine, it seems a dozen things pass between us. I stop at the threshold of the kitchen, fighting against the urge to walk back in there and be with you when you talk to him. Your sigh reaches me as you turn to face him and I grudgingly continue to the kitchen table.

Shuffling a few plates around, I wait all of 5 seconds before making my way to the doorway. I know I shouldn't do this. I know I shouldn't listen. I also know it doesn't matter. I need to hear this. _No, I shouldn't lie to myself._ I want to hear this.

I nod my head at the admission and at least feel a little better for being honest. _Yeah right_.

I get a little closer and close my eyes as I listen to the ebb and flow of your voices.

"Natalia…"

"Frank, what are you doing here?" There's a tremor in your voice and I have to grip the doorjamb a little harder to keep from going in there.

"I had to come see you. I couldn't sleep after you left last night. All I did was think. I thought about what you said and I thought about us."

I can hear your deep breath from here and my heart breaks a little for you. "There is no us. What I told you last night, I didn't say any of that lightly and I never wanted to hurt you. You have to believe that. But Frank, I can't be with you the way you want me to. I love you and I love your family but I'll never be the woman, the bride you want me to be."

Frank's footsteps creak along the wood and I know that he's stepped closer to you. _Can doorjambs be ripped out of old farmhouses by bare hands?_

"But you are! Don't you see that? You're sweet and kind and have a good heart. You take care of people and I love that about you. If you love me like you say, than this could work. We can make this work." There's desperation running in tandem with the earnestness I hear in Frank's voice and my heart breaks a little more. For him and for you.

"We can't." Your voice is softer now and covered in the beginnings of tears. "I'm…I'm sorry, Frank."

"Well, I don't accept that."

_What?_ "What?"

"It's been a long time since I've felt this way about anybody, Natalia. If you think I'm going to just give up without a fight, then you don't know me that well. Maybe I rushed the engagement and I'm sorry for that. I can understand if you're not ready for that yet. I've been more than patient about not pushing you for more than you're ready for."

"Now, wait a second…" The tears dry up in your voice as you speak but I can hear Frank barrel right over whatever it was you were going to say.

"I'm a patient man, Natalia, but I know that you're the perfect woman for me and I plan on showing you how great this can really be." I hear the juice glass clang against the floor and I step through the doorway just in time to see Frank's hands on your shoulders, leaning towards your lips. With your hands still at your sides, you turn your head so his kiss glances off your cheek.

Shock has me walking forward slowly, unable to turn away from the sight of Frank's hands on you.

"Frank…" There is weariness and a pleading to your voice that goes right over his head.

"I'll see you real soon, Natalia." He smiles briefly in my direction and with one last touch to your shoulders, turns around and walks out the door.

You walk forward and lock the door, resting your forehead against the solid wood. I keep moving towards you until I am a few feet away.

"Natalia?" I'm trying to keep my voice neutral but my eyes catch the juice glass resting on the floor and the image of a few moments ago flashes in my head. "What was that about?"

You keep facing away from me for a few seconds more and then you turn, your eyes dark and heavy with emotions. "Frank seems to think that I'm the perfect woman for him and it doesn't matter what I think about us not being together, he's going to show me how amazing we can be."

"I know, I heard all that. But…" I realize too late what I've said as rare anger pushes forefront into your eyes.

"You were listening?"

"I was in the kitchen and I overheard." I cringe a bit at my description but as the anger flashes higher in your eyes, even that guilt burns away. "But that's beside the point. If you told Frank you didn't want to be with him and he insisted on coming here and not listening to you again, why didn't you just tell him there was someone else?"

"Olivia, I was still…am still figuring things out myself. He doesn't need to know everything, just that I don't want to be with him. It should be enough."

"But it's not, clearly. He basically told you it didn't matter what you wanted or didn't want. He was going to have you anyway." The reigns of my temper are ripped from my hands and I can feel myself treading on dangerous ground. "And you just stood here and let him."

Your mouth opens in shock at the tone of my words before your eyes harden, glaring at me with barely restrained anger. "Well, if that's what you think..." You move to go by me and I step directly into your path, blocking your exit. "I can't talk about this right now."

"Let me by, Olivia. I think it's best if we just give each other some space right now. Maybe when you cool down, we can talk about this."

_Oh no you don't._ You don't get to do that. Frank just stood here and told you that he wasn't done making a play for your love and your commitment and you didn't say a word. Well, he can try all he wants but your heart and your mind and your body are mine. As mine are yours. He can't, he won't touch that.

You go to move past me one more time and this time, I step to the side, forcing you to put your back towards the wall.

"Olivia." I hear the warning in your voice but it rolls off me like sweat. The need to claim, to mark you as mine is thundering through my blood with the speed of a thousand horses. My only thought is to be inside you so that your only thought is of me.

You hold your hands out, either in pleading or warning. I'm not sure which and it's too late to guess as I take the two strides that bring me into contact with your body. Your hands grip my waist hard as I back you up against the wall, my hands on either side of your shoulders.

Our eyes clash and spark and I can feel the fire race down my spine and tingle through my system. On a deep breath, I bring my hips forward against yours and your fingers tighten almost painfully on my hips. Trapping you against the wall, I reach down and pull your sweater over your head. Your hands are forced to leave my waist and as they rise up, I bunch the fabric in one of my hands, pinning your hands above your head.

Your eyes are wide on mine and as the breath shudders out of your lungs, my eyes are drawn down. Lingering on your open mouth to sweep briefly past your nipples and land on your stomach muscles tightening with each heavy breath. I bring my other hand to the soft skin of your stomach, my nails raking lightly as I make my way to the button on your jeans. Before I even have them open, my mouth is on yours, my tongue breaking the barrier of your lips without preamble.

I feel your hands clench against the sweater I'm holding in my hand and I deepen the kiss, reveling in the feel of your tongue pushing against mine. I've managed to get your zipper down and as the backs of my fingers brush against the very top of your lower belly, I'm acutely aware that your underwear is still stuffed under the cushions of the couch.

I lean back from the kiss, ripping your sweater the rest of the way off and throwing it behind me. Your hands immediately grip the hair at the nape of my neck and pull my head back, exposing my throat to your gaze. I'm struck by the inherent vulnerability of this position and I lessen the pressure of my hips against you as this undercurrent builds between us.

Our heavy breathing is the only sound in the room for a few moments before I quietly break the silence.

"He won't have you." I say this through gritted teeth, my hands curling against your ribcage. I can't believe the possessiveness that is sweeping through me and at any other time, I might have found it amusing. Not now.

As I listened to you two talk before, I realized that I could never go back to the way things were. I thought that being selfless was the ultimate sacrifice I could make for love. That whole "if you love something set it free" crap. I tried that route and it almost killed me. Now, to finally have your love and your desire and your trust? It's a gift I am going to prove every day that I'm worthy of. I know how to fight dirty and while I respect Frank, I'll go down swinging before I lose you. To him. To doubts. To guilt.

I slide my hands to press against your breasts, accepting the feel of your lips and teeth claiming the side of my throat. I catch your nipples in the webbing between my fingers and squeeze harder, reveling in the groans coming from you. Your open mouth drags over my chin, your tongue meeting mine in the space between our mouths.

Your hands have abandoned my hair and have started pulling at my sweater. "Off. I need to touch you. God, take this off." Your words are muffled against my mouth and I reluctantly step away to take my sweater off.

As I drop the sweater , you make quick work of your jeans, kicking them to the side. Smiling at you, I bring my fingertips to your throat. I trail them slowly across your collarbone to the space between your breasts. Your hands lay flat against the wall behind you and after one electric moment, I continue my journey. Softly, I touch along your stomach and down across your hips, bringing my fingers to rest along your inner thigh.

Your head drops back against the wall and you open your legs a little wider. I turn my wrist slowly, my eyes never straying from yours. Pressing just the tips of my fingertips against you, I lean forward until our breasts touch. Bracing my other hand on the wall, I bring my mouth to yours in a gentle kiss. Teasing your mouth open, I slowly brush my tongue against yours, sliding into your wetness at the same time.

I absorb the shock of desire that trembles from your body and keep my slow pace, my tongue and fingers focused only on your pleasure. Your hips start to move against me, your wetness allowing for easy contact against the bundle of nerves I can feel against my thumb.

Your hips keep a steady rhythm even as our kisses become wilder. I can feel your body tightening, greedy pulses grabbing at my fingers. Your arms band around my shoulders as you get closer, your pants brushing against my mouth between kisses.

I need to see you. I need to see in your eyes that you know it's me that is doing this to you. That it's me that's loving you and touching you and wants you. I tug on your bottom lip to get your attention and your eyes open heavy-lidded on mine.

Using my body, I push deeper and press harder against you, ignoring the pleasure threatening to shatter my control. Your brow furrows and your breath holds and I know that this is it. This is what I wanted.

Your eyes slam shut and your nails dig into my back as your body lets go. I brace your weight against the wall with my body, bringing my lips to your cheek as you rest your head against my shoulder. My fingers are still inside you and I lower my mouth to your ear.

"Mine." I whisper.

You turn your head and place a warm, soft kiss on my lips. "Yours."


End file.
